David Schnarch. · Rating details · 2, ratings · reviews. Passionate Marriage is recognized as the pioneering book on intimate human relationships. PASSIONATE MARRIAGE: Keeping Love & Intimacy Alive in Committed In Passionate Marriage, Dr. David Schnarch organizes fourteen chapters into three . Passionate Marriage: Sex, Love, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships By David Schnarch, Ph. D. Norton, pp. ISBN

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Return to Book Page. Preview — Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. Passionate Marriage is recognized as the pioneering book on intimate human relationships.

With a new preface by the author, this updated edition explores the ways we can keep passion alive msrriage even reach the height of sexual and emotional fulfillment later in life. David Schnarch accompanies his inspirational message of attaining long-term happiness with proven techniques Passionate Marriage is recognized as the pioneering book on intimate human relationships. David Schnarch accompanies his inspirational message of attaining long-term happiness with proven techniques developed in worldwide workshops to help couples develop greater intimacy.

Chapters provide the scaffolding for overcoming sexual and emotional roadblocks— from evaluating personal expectations to laying the groundwork for keeping the sparks alive years down the road, passkonate everything in between. This book is sure to help couples overcome hurdles in their relationships and reach the fullest potential in their love lives. Paperbackpages. Published April 27th by W. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

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Passionate Marriage : Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships

Lists with This Book. I read this book at a time of painful difficulty – would the much-cherished marriage I’d been in many years actually come to an end unthinkable or marriagee we, or I, or him, find a way to get to the bottom of what “went wrong” as we then thought, and from there, reinvent? That was ten years ago. Schnarch wholly shifted my paradigm, not just on relationship but of everything. For starters, pain and difficulty don’t mean something “went wrong” jarriage, rather, davud right in the sense of The “non-pathological” approach – not making something wrong just because it’s hard – was the beginning of what opened into the hugest, most joyful, reawakening, better than what I could have imagined, because the process we traveled, individually and jointly with the help of this approach was so outside of my scope, and yet, so “Oh!

But my scope, my heart, my life, my sense of loving and living, grew and grew, and we grew into the most passionate of marriages. About three years after we went through that huge upheaval and well into the joyful glide that wchnarch, he died suddenly, in an accident words that still, all these years later, sometimes strike me as unbelievable.

But right from the beginning, marriafe unreal horror of deciding about organ donation, cremation options, for someone who had been wholly and lovingly alive that morning Thank God Passionate Marriage came into our hands when it did. Ultimately, one’s first passionate marriage is to one’s self only from a steadiness there can one truly, non-manipulatively, scnnarch Out of desire and wanting, not neediness, and not out of the mistaken idea that a relationship provides safety.

Because of the work we did, and I did on my own, parallel to the maarriage love of my life, I was able to live through his death.


All of this said, I find Schnarch’s case histories and opening chapters clunky and not well-written. But stick with it the underlying theory is scunarch. As for the writing, it gets better and better. The final chapter, “Death, Sex, and Love” is one I read over schnarc over when he and I went through our crisis The writing, the ideas, the truth is moving, crystalline, unavoidable, powerful.

View all 4 comments. Early in his career, Passionate Marriage author David Snarch found it odd that sex therapy and marital therapy were two entirely separate disciplines. He spent the next several decades refining his theory that what happens in marrriage bedroom can be an important window into the marriage of the greater marriage itself.

Though ostensibly about sex, Passionate Marriage is really about the process of individuation. Learning how to be an individual and a partner at the same time is no easy task for many of Early in his career, Passionate Marriage author David Snarch found it odd that sex therapy psasionate marital therapy were two entirely separate disciplines. Learning how to be an individual and a partner at the same time is no easy task for many of us, and this book offers important insights into the process of growth that intimate relationships inevitably force us into.

Those who are not comfortable reading detailed discussions about the sex lives of others will probably find this book difficult. But those who are okay with frank sexual conversation will likely find a lot of very valuable information about how to create more satisfying intimate relationships in this book. This is a book I marrigae to read when I was a teenager.

My review of five stars is not based on how well the author writes or communicates, but rather how important I think this information is. We grow up with a distorted sense of what love and intimacy are all about.

That is to say we think it is all about us and our needs. We seek to fulfill ourselves through our relationships and get our needs met and our very selves validated by other people. The Passionate Marriage approach pawsionate I think it applies across all relationships and not just marriage is that we must first validate and develop ourselves and only martiage can we truly experience the intimacy that we desire.

Any intimacy davjd is based on fear and neediness can never truly fulfill you. Intimacy based on self-fulfillment and personal strength means that you are choosing your partner for who they are and NOT who you need them to be for you. I’ve read other books that contain these same ideas Harriet Lerner’s “Dance of” books for example but for some reason Passionate Marriage was the one that really connected with me at a visceral level.

It is the first NEW point of view on marriage and relationships that I’d read for a very long time. It is not really about sex–at least not for its own sake–but looks at sex as the “crucible” in which a lot of emotional issues are worked out. It is a book that I think everyone, if they were willing to read it, would get a lot of insight from.

It’s interesting to me that so few of the people I’ve given it to or daviv it to have actually taken the time to read it. But for those willing to put the philosophy into practice, I suspect their relationships would change for the better.

This is Schnarch’s attempt at merging marital and sex therapy. My reaction to this book is very mixed. On the one hand I think that there are daviid lot of valuable points in the book. On the other, I really disliked reading it, only finished it because I was getting CE credits for it available on http: So first the good.


Scharch’s two main points are 1 that self-soothing This is Schnarch’s attempt at merging marital and sex therapy. Scharch’s two main points are 1 that self-soothing is important within marital conflict or really any interpersonal interaction and 2 that marital conflict is normal.

Both of these points are very scnarch. Scharch also offers some nice suggestions for increasing emotional intimacy during sex and points out that self-focused sexual contacts are often the norm for couples which limits the interpersonal connection that can occur through sex. However, that is about the extent of Scharch’s discussion of sex therapy. The remainder of the book really focuses on marital therapy. Now on to the bad and there’s quite a bit of it. I’m breaking my complaints down into different domains.

First is writing style, passionats is ethnocentricism, and third is conceptual validity. Echnarch far as writing style goes, this book pretty much sucks. I really did only finish it because I felt I ethically had scnharch to get my ce credits. This is pretty unheard of in modern self-help type books. He states marraige in his preface to this edition that there is nothing that he would change about the original writing of the book which just begs readers to pick it apart.

Which I then did. Also, all of the examples he uses of him doing therapy and from his marriage also come across and self satisfied and self congratulatory BS.

Enough said on this point. The writing style I can kind of forgive in the interest of having useful content. The problems of sublte prejudice and ethnocentricism I had a harder time with. Again I call BS. You cannot simply say this and have it be so, particularly when you are talking about explicit sexual content without mentioning how to apply it to a homosexual relationship.

I am all for this. However, he tends with a few exceptions to selectively uses female pronouns for what would be considered weak or needy roles passionatd a relatinoship. I think there are probably ways of reconciling this, but Scharch did not acknowledge this, mention it, or attempt to address it.

Finally the conceptual validity – Scharch annoyed me again by saying in the preface that there had been research done on his ideas since the original printing of the book and dchnarch not providing references or even a brief summary other than saying it all supports what he says. Again, another way in which the book could have used revising!

Passionate Marriage : David Schnarch :

Basically you are differentiated if you are having positive outcomes. There really is no operationalization of the concept that satisfied me. This calls into question the validity of the whole book. But that said, I liked the focus on self-soothing which is also a hallmark of dialectical behavior therapy which does have empirical support.

Also normalizing marital distress is useful paseionate focusing on strategies for resolving this successfully. I would say though that there are a number of other books I would recommend that focus on these concepts without having to put yourself through reading this particular book: In the work Schnrach done helping others with their relationships, I’ve had the opportunity to read plenty of self-help books on relationships.

Most of the time I find the books useless, mrriage not harmful.

On the recommendation of a friend I checked this book out from the library. Now I’m buying it. I’m also recommending it to every person I know who is ready to make improvements in ALL of their relationships–including their relationships with their self.